These past two weeks, I have ignored God. But of course, he’s taken what mess I’ve made and turned it into something for his glory.
When we’re running the race of faith, the devil likes to kick us where it hurts most : The groin – the area(s) in our life which are most personal and hurtful. And that’s what happened with me; I had thought I was in first place. But because I’m a foolish athlete who didn’t wear his athletic support, I reveled in my pain. For those of you not following my metaphor, I let down my guard, suffered a wound to my pride, and lulled myself into the familiar pain with which I’d grown so accustomed.
So in my pain, I rejected God and sought sin. What kind of sin is ultimately irrelevant, but suffice it to say that negative attitude is often the worst kind of sin. A negative attitude is pregnant with evil because it is the absence of optimism, which is synonymous with faith. And when I, a believer who is supposed to be filled with faith, reject optimism and seek negativity, I go against what is good and follow what is bad.
I’m being vague for a purpose, ponder what I might mean.
In my negativity I did not want to be bothered with this God person. So over the course of the week I rejected God from my thoughts. Occasionally I would have thoughts about him, but continued to shrugged it off and accepted my doubt. However, my faith would inch up to my ear, whisper, but I’d shoo it away. My mindset was that I shouldn’t come to God while I was still in the sinful mindset. Until tonight, when the thought finally came to me that I was like the Prodigal. I was feeling worthless and depraved but KNEW I wanted to go back to my Father.
So I got on my knees and prayed for forgiveness for my evil mindset and subsequent actions. And you know what, he welcomed me back with open arms! I am restored. Spiritual metaphorically, He gave me ice for my injured groin and urged me to get back up! He is waiting for you to run back to him as well.
One last thought: I used to identify mainly with the “good” son in the Prodigal parable. I was self-righteous and judgmental since I was always, at least in my own mind, doing the right thing. Yet this lesson that God has allowed me to learn has made me realize that I can’t judge people, even children of the Father, for their sins since I might be one day be where they have been.
